A journey into darkness

Lately Ive been thinking more about death.

you might say its too soon but its not death exactly that I think about. and most certainly its not fear. In fact death intrigues me, the notion of what lies beyond. For me, at this point, its more about the journey. The foreseeable journey of premature death. For all intentional proposes I may contract some sort of deadly disease. Aids, cancer etc. Doesn't matter. Its about the journey. The experience intrigues me. No doubt my life will change. But how? how will I react to people? how will I look at my friends? my family? Will I still believe in love? What will I see when I look up at the stars at night? How will I embrace my destiny. Perhaps it will be the most definite think I will ever come to know in my life. I see an irony in this. That perhaps the certainty in death will solidify my belief in life. In love. In god. And ultimately in myself. The question is: can I transform my thinking now, this moment without the necessity to sacrifice?

Can I truly believe?

-ayp